No Regrets
by laurzz
Summary: DannyLindsay. 8x18 post-ep oneshot. "He has nothing but time for you, he listens to your every word… and he just… you're the heart and soul of his lab and he knows that. He treasures you, Lindsay."


**A/N: So, I'm officially emotionally exhausted; thanks csi:ny. I'm sorry but if this show gets cancelled I will flip my lid; this show has SOOOOO much left to give. I just hope CBS makes the right choice. (I'm good at talking about choices, ask my class... they'll tell you.) By the by... to answer some review questions... I'm absolutely clueless whether CBS will renew it yet. It apparently looks more hopeful than CSI:Miami - but don't quote me on it. As far as I know, we will know next week what the outcome is. With a recent interview by e!Online Zach Reiter said they have some ideas kicking around for next season and they have lots of things they want to do - so, hopefully they've proposed that and CBS are going to pick it up. I think all we can do is cross fingers, toes, eyes, limbs, everything until we hear word back! **

**Now, OMG, LUCY! Although we didn't get to hear her speak, that giggle will stay in my head forever and ever. I'm glad they gave us just a little bit of her. I don't think I could have stomached nothing. I would have liked more - don't get me wrong, but at this point, I'm just praying for NY to come back, so I'm focusing on that. And I was right! When I heard whisperings that DL and Mac have a conversation about their future, I was like 'they want to move' - initially I thought Montana, but Staten Island or somewhere will suit me fine. They get their house and they can still work at the lab. Yes? Yes. thanks. And you know, with a bigger house where they can raise Lucy... that means they could raise other children. HINT. HINT. HINT . **

**I must say, I don't know about you guys, but I was so frigging proud; the only time I cried was during the scene with Flack and Mac. God lord, talk about emotional breakdown. ****  
**

**Alright, that's quite enough from me. K****eep your eyes peeled about news from CBS... and let's all pray we get lucky again this year, God I hope we do. **

**But, just in case... thank you to every single one of you who read and review this as religiously as you do. I just do this for fun and you guys make it so much more than that. I love you all loads and you're all superstars. I really appreciate your kind words every single week and they really make my entire week. I hope that we get to come back and have all this fun all over again in September, but if not - never fear, I don't think I'll ever be ready to let DL go so Fred and I will still be here in September, regardless. Make sure you come back and see me whatever the outcome! **

**Huge thank you to those of you last week who reviewed; they really made me smile when I needed it. So... egoofy34, dannylindsay4eva, Izzi Creo, Meggie, Gigglesforcsi, CTI-Jenn, LoveShipper, ck, MesserFamilyFan100, sweetlilloz, 18lzytwner, RandomTVFan30. **

* * *

"Mommy! Come find me!"

Running her hands through her hair, Lindsay sighed heavily. "Lucy, give Mommy a few minutes."

"No! now!"

"Lucy!" Lindsay warning tone bellowed through the small apartment. "I said a few minutes. I just got home… give me a few seconds to be Mommy again."

"No!"

Ignoring her daughter's frustrated stomps of her feet from the bedroom; Lindsay let herself collapse on the couch and turned to bury her head in the cushions of the couch. Today was a day she never, ever wanted to relive.

Ever.

She could feel the tears welling up as she pushed her head further into the cushioned material. She wanted to scream. She also wanted to cry… but most of all, she wanted Mac to wake up.

Ever since she'd gotten the call from dispatch about a crime scene over in a pharmacy, about a block from the crime lab, she'd for some reason, felt a massive hole in the pit of her stomach… almost like she knew that something bad had happened. She usually got that feeling when Danny was out in the field and he ended up coming back with a few bullets less in his possession, or alternatively, he had a nice fat lip to accompany the bruises that would rear their ugly head a few hours later.

But, with the bruises that fade, and the bullets that can be replaced… she knew for the most part she worried unnecessarily about Danny sometimes. He was a tough cookie and she trusted him with her entire life to do the right thing when he was out in the field. Although he detested it, he wore a Kevlar vest every time he went out into the field, sometimes under his shirt… but since that night in the bar where he took the bullet for her in the back, they knew that they'd touched the finish line before the race had even started… and they definitely didn't want to go through that again. So of course, any precautions they could take, they would.

"MOMMY!"

"In a minute!" Lindsay called back in frustration. She knew that she shouldn't take it out on her baby, nor did she want to. But when she was feeling so… so… emotionally exhausted, she just couldn't deal with the demands of having a three year old.

A three year old. Her Lucy was three! No more was she a toddler. She was quite the little girl. Things had changed so quickly in her life over the past three years that sometimes, when she had a spare moment to herself she had to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't in the middle of this extremely vivid dream. One minute she was battling through life by herself, and the next- she was admiring her wedding ring while cradling her newborn daughter. Life had funny ways about it, she'd always thought; even more so when her life seemingly came together without her even realising.

Danny was her everything and although she'd probably known it for far longer than she cared to admit, she knew for a fact that she would be with Danny for the rest of her life. She wasn't as naïve to assume that their entire life together would be a happy one – already she was aware of the struggles and the incessant pressure and strains that a marriage can have. Lack of money, lack of time for one another, work commitments, revenge seeking serial killers… Her life was far from normal, nor was it perfect. But it was her life, and it was her family and she'd fight to the death for them.

Death.

A resounding thump settled in Lindsay's chest before it slipped down her entire body and settled, once again, in the pit of her stomach. How could Mac be so close to death? Mac, Mac Taylor. He just… he didn't. He couldn't. He was the one that saved them all. Flack, Hawkes, Stella, Danny, herself, Sid, Adam… everyone in the team. Mac was always there saving them and pulling them back from the abyss.

Yet, it seemed like when it came to Mac, everything that they did just wasn't good enough. It was almost like he'd made it his own fight. When Danny had gotten shot, Mac had made it his personal mission to find the person that had done it… and when Mac had said that to her in her distraught state, sat in the hospital waiting room, she had believed him. Granted, it had taken a few months… but she had been in shut down mode momentarily. What had seemed like a perfect little life had quickly crashed down all around her – and the only voice that had rang through to her, was Mac's… promising her that everything would be okay and Danny would never dream of leaving her alone with Lucy.

Except, now… those words that she said so often to others, she just couldn't even stomach them. She couldn't even think about those words. What was supposed to provide comfort and reassurance left her with absolutely nothing. She felt hollow inside; like a part of her was missing.

Sitting up from where she'd been lying on the couch, Lindsay took in a deep breath, and despite her internal battle, she couldn't help but laugh at the sight of her daughter, staring at her with both of her hands on her hips.

"Yes?" Lindsay smirked.

"You made me sad. You 'nored me."

"I didn't ignore you, Lucy." Lindsay licked her lips as she went to pull her daughter onto her lap.

"Did too," Lucy scoffed as she pulled away from Lindsay. "Did, did, did."

"Oh no, we're not going to start that, thank you." Lindsay raised her eyebrows. "Mommy's just a little upset today, okay? I don't feel like playing hide and seek right now honey."

"Daddy?"

"Daddy won't feel like playing much either." Lindsay said gently. "We're both sad today."

"Why?" Lucy's frustrated features softened considerably.

Lindsay chewed her lip in contemplation as she considered whether or not to tell her daughter what had happened to her beloved 'Uncle'.

"Mac has a big, big boo-boo. He's sleeping in the hospital tonight so that the doctors can make him better, and just like when you get hurt, I'm a little sad."

"Did you cry?"

"A little," Lindsay nodded. "But Mommy's trying to be really brave." She lowered her voice.

"Can we go sees him?" Lucy asked. "I give him kisses?"

"Maybe in a few days," Lindsay dodged the topic of taking a three year old to see Mac in his condition. "He's having a _really _long nap right now, so he wouldn't even know we were there if we went now."

"Ah, okay." Lucy nodded. "I go draw him a picture?"

"Yes!" Lindsay exclaimed rather enthusiastically. "Yes, perfect! Go and draw him a beautiful picture. He'd love that."

"Okay!" Lucy skipped off, a different little girl completely.

The extended moment of silence allowed Lindsay to soak in the image of her apartment. While she adored their home, it was just too small. She didn't like that her little girl to be able to hear upstairs arguing again. She didn't want to turn around quickly and nearly knock herself out by the clutter of furniture that they had crammed in to the two bed apartment. She hated the fact that if they were to have another baby, they'd have no room for their precious new member of the family.

But, she'd built a life together with Danny and Lucy in this apartment. This was their first place that was settled. It wasn't chaotic. It wasn't painted with tragedy, or drama. It was just… home.

Except… well, except for now!

Danny's footsteps sounded from the bedroom and Lindsay knew he was surfacing. When they arrived home, he'd quietly excused himself into the bedroom and shut the door; and then locked it. And that simple gesture had told Lindsay everything that she needed to know… Danny was having his breakdown. He'd told her numerous times that he hated crying – and would rather hold it in than cry in front of her. He reasoned that he was supposed to be the strong one, her pillar of support – and how could she turn to him if he was a blubbering mess. And even if she didn't agree with him in the slightest, she could understand his point of view. While she wasn't much of a crier, she'd feel the same way. Except… tonight, she wasn't sure whether she would be able to hold it in… or to cry it out herself.

She looked up and saw Danny's red, bloodshot eyes staring back at her, full of pain and despair for their current situation with Mac. Silently, she shuffled on the couch and patted the seat next to her, indicating for him to sit down. He did so and laid his head on her shoulder while taking her hand.

"Oh Linds," he sighed. "What we gonna do, huh?"

It was the pain in Danny's voice that finally released Lindsay's floodgates. The first tear landed on her jeans, the second landed on her shirt, and the third landed on Danny as she buried her head into his chest. He wrapped her tightly in his arms and squeezed her while she gripped to him, sobbing about their friend.

There was so much she needed to tell Mac… and the fact that she might not get that chance killed her. It was little things like she'd put in an order for the new DNA analysis contraption that he'd asked her to do. She desperately needed to tell him that she'd picked white as opposed to the black one. She also needed to remind him that they had a meeting next week with some training agency about health and safety in the lab. Stella had passed on the Health and Safety responsibilities when she took up her job in New Orleans and she'd not managed to remind Mac about the training.

Her tears subsided and she felt a sense of calm wash over her as Danny ran his fingers through her hair. She tightened her grip on Danny significantly as she realised that she had no idea where she would be right now if she didn't have him by her side. She loved her husband with everything that she had, but she realised that she never really, really, truly understood how much she needed him until now.

"What we gonna do without him, Linds?" his quiet voice sounded after a few moments.

"Honestly?" Lindsay began, "I don't know, baby."

"I can't imagine my life without him in it," Danny said with a hitch to his voice. "I just… he's been there through everything. The good, the bad…" Danny trailed off. "When the goin' gets tough, he's always there. I mean he's picked up the pieces of my life so many times and now… now he's just gonna be gone? Well no, sorry… I can't deal with that, babe. I need him. _We _need him. Not just me… Lucy, she needs him too. He's her godfather. He's one of the best role models in her life. I don't want her growing up without him. I don't want him to be just a distant memory. I want him to be a constant presence in her life."

"He's still fighting," Lindsay reminded Danny, even if she didn't believe it herself. "We can't be jumping to conclusions just yet, okay?"

"It doesn't look good though, does it?" Danny implored.

"No," Lindsay agreed. "But then we have to remember that this is Mac, and he isn't just your regular Joe."

"Stop being so damn strong," Danny turned to face her and squeezed her hand. "Don't think for one second I don't know what you're doing."

"What am I doing?" she sighed.

"Hiding all that you're feeling; it's okay to cry."

"Did you just totally miss my breakdown?" she dead-panned. "I have cried."

"You're holding it in," he said. "I know you; I can see the tears still in your eyes. You have a lot more to cry about."

"It's like you want me to cry!" she implored as she swiped away the stray tears on her cheeks.

"Hey, I'll openly admit that I just cried like a baby in there," He thumbed over to the bedroom. "I'm not even denying it. I just don't wanna cry in front of my girls. I'm supposed to be the tough Daddy, and tough Daddies don't cry."

Lindsay offered him a small smile and laid her head on his shoulder. "I miss him," Lindsay said softly. "I know he's still fighting, but I miss him. I don't know what I'd do without him."

"He means a lot to you," Danny stated, to which she nodded in reply. "Why?"

"Why?" her brow furrowed. "Why what?"

"Why does he mean so much to you?" he questioned.

She shrugged initially before she tried to put into words everything that she felt for Mac Taylor.

"I don't really know how to describe it," she started. "I just… when he came out to Montana to offer me the job-"

"Sorry, he did what?"

"Came to Montana… to offer me the job. Have I never told you that?"

"Uh, no, I think you missed that tiny detail out of your life story."

* * *

_Looking at her watch, Lindsay Monroe took a deep breath, trying to soothe her racing nerves. She could feel her heartbeat in her chest and she was quite frankly terrified at meeting the man that had flown God only knew how many miles to meet her._

_So far, it had been a whirlwind of an experience. Although she was happy where she was, she needed out. She needed a new, fresh start… and Bozeman wasn't everything it was cracked up to be. She was constantly on the go, constantly on the move, and for a small town; her need for adventure fell short. _

_She'd gone with a long shot when she mailed her application and resume over to the head of the New York Crime Lab. It wasn't something she'd ever thought she would do… but when the internal mail guy had whispered it in her ear, she knew she had to take a chance. They were looking to fill a position, and fill it quick. Lindsay didn't know the ins and outs, but if they were looking for somebody quick, then she was the perfect person. She was looking for a quick ticket out of Montana, and New York was her first stop. _

_She looked up to the door just as the bell sounded and in stepped a man with quite a considerable aura around him. She wasn't intimidated by him, although she could imagine that many were… but rather, she was intrigued by him. Fascinated. She was also in awe of him; the way he carried himself… she definitely felt something towards him. _

_He spotted her instantly, which confused her as the diner was considerably full for a Thursday afternoon. He offered her a nod of his head, to which she'd returned with a smile. _

"_Lindsay Monroe?" he asked as he approached the table. She'd stood instantly and nodded, offering her hand. _

"_Hi," she smiled as he took it and shook it with a strong handshake. _

"_Mac Taylor," he said as he let go of her hand and sat down. _

"_It's nice to meet you," she offered politely. _

_He offered her a smile before licking his lips and pulling out an employee file. He set it on the table carefully before pulling out a stack of other papers and placed it next to the employee file. Lindsay's heart raced rapidly in her chest. She knew what those documents were. _

_A contract. _

"_I've looked over your file," he began. "I have one concern."_

_Lindsay's light heart suddenly felt very heavy in her chest. "Oh?"_

_He opened up the file and pulled out a thick, stapled set of papers. "I assume you know what this is," he said. _

"_I have a good idea," she nodded. _

"_We have a lot of diners in New York." He began. _

"_I'm in one now," she suggested to the environment around them. "They don't faze me. I'm fine." _

"_I don't doubt that, but a lot of murders that happen inside of them; what can I expect in that situation?" _

_Realising that she needed to make an impression in order to get this dream-job and ticket out of Montana, she took a deep breath and searched for the answer she expected that he wanted to hear. "I'll make sure that my approach is methodical and pragmatic. I have a strong conviction that I'll bring the killer to justice with the help of everyone in your team, Detective Taylor."_

"_Lindsay, this isn't an interview," Mac said softly. "You have the job. I just want to know what to expect from you in that situation."_

You have the job, _rang in her ears. Although she needed to keep up what was a good first impression – she didn't have to wow him. All she needed was an honest answer. "What can you expect from me?"_

_Mac nodded._

"_Everything I have to give."_

* * *

"I never knew that," Danny said softly.

"He believed in me before he'd even met me. I never asked him why he came all the way to Montana just to offer me the job. I really thought that I'd have to go through interviews and battles against other, more experienced people for the job, but it was like he just pushed everyone to the side that must have wanted the job and pulled me through the crowd with no consideration to anyone else."

"He wanted you," Danny shrugged. "When Mac wants something, he gets it."

"No kidding," Lindsay smiled softly. "So from there, I've always felt a strong connection to Mac. He was one of the few people that knew about what happened when I was younger, but he never questioned my decisions based on it, he never babied me… he never, ever even mentioned it. He trusted me based on very little and he's taught me so much… I don't think there are any words to properly explain how much he truly means to me."

Danny smiled. "I think he has a lot to say about you, too."

"He humours me," Lindsay smiled. "I like to think he likes my enthusiasm."

"He likes your conviction," Danny said softly. "While he enjoys your enthusiasm, I'm sure," he nudged her playfully, "I'm convinced that he would trust you with his life. He really respects you. I think he's proud of you."

"Proud? So he should be, he's taught me everything I know."

"Nah-ah." Danny shook his head. "He leads you, guides you even… but only you can put the work in… now that, he's proud of." He paused for a moment as he soaked in the image of his wife. "I wonder if he knew that we would end up married."

"It's Mac; of course he did. He knows everything." Lindsay's enthusiasm and excited nature began to dwindle a little.

"S'up?" Danny nudged her as her smile dissipated.

"I… do you think he'd be disappointed if we moved; like, if he…" he breath hitched in her throat. "Do you…?"

"Do I think he'd be upset if we left if something happened to him?" Danny tried to clarify Lindsay's broken question. "I think that so long as we were doing it for the right reasons, and we had Lucy's and our own best interests at heart, then he would be proud of us."

"Do you really think so?" Lindsay asked softly.

"I know so," Danny finished. "He's always said that he regrets the decisions he made with Claire, about not ever having children and he'll take that to…" Danny trailed off as he decided that he perhaps didn't want to finish his sentence. Taking a moment to compose himself, he took a deep breath. "He loves that we embraced life and took a risk with it. When we take Lucy to his place, or the lab, I think it really, really hits home then that although he didn't himself have children, he still has a little girl in his life that looks at him as if he is royalty… and if you ask me, there ain't nothin' better than that."

"Lucy does adore him," Lindsay smiled.

"And so do you," Danny finished. "I can see it in your eyes. He sees it too. He's so protective of you."

"And you," Lindsay said in a small voice.

"More so you," Danny shook his head. "He sees you as his daughter, I think. Personally, at least. I think professionally he has the line exactly right. But personally, you're the closest he's ever gotten to having a little girl. He has nothing but time for you, he listens to your every word… and he just… you're the heart and soul of his lab and he knows that. He treasures you, Lindsay."

"Stop," Lindsay shook her head, "You're just embarrassing me now."

"I don't know why," Danny shrugged, "because it's true."

Lindsay nestled her head against Danny's arm and let out a long, laboured sigh. "What are we going to do without him, Danny?"

"I don't know baby," he sighed in response, "but whatever we do, we'll do it together, as a team. We'll make it through."

"I hope so," she whispered. "I can't imagine this being the last chapter of his life. He's just got so much more to give; I just hope he fights tonight. Hawkes said that tonight is the most crucial part of his recovery. If he responds well to post-op procedures then he could just see the other side… otherwise… it's not even worth thinking about."

"I know," Danny nodded. "I know baby. But, let's not worry about it for now, okay? Let's face it, Mac would kick our asses if he knew that we were sat on the couch blubberin' over him. He's gonna want us playin' with his goddaughter, just like he would be if he was here with us right now."

They shared a look with one another before smiling. "LUCY!" they called in unison.

"YEAH?" she bellowed back in the tiny apartment.

"Bring your crayons here, baby." Lindsay shouted.

"Mommy and I want to colour too!" Danny finished.

* * *

Although the pain in his chest and back was excruciating, he was beginning to find that it was becoming more manageable. He could only assume that the journey to his next place was moving swiftly on.

He'd managed to somehow tie up his loose ends with Jo, Adam, Flack, Sid and Hawkes… and he'd somehow managed to save the three members of his team who had the biggest part of his heart til last.

Danny and Lindsay… he didn't even know what to say about them. Separately, they were incredible investigators and friends. But together, they made outstanding parents, a beautiful couple and two of the best friends he'd ever had. And although it hurt to think that he wouldn't see the rest of the team again, it hurt him the most to think that he had to say goodbye to both of them and their beautiful daughter.

Lucy was undoubtedly the light in his life. Her giggle filled him with a feeling of adoration and love. He couldn't fathom the love that he felt for the little girl; and her parents for giving him the opportunity to be an influential role in her little life.

The little girl's musical giggles sounded within his ears and before he knew it, she had collided with his chest wrapping her tiny arms around his neck tightly. She had the same outfit on that she'd had on for her birthday the week previous and Mac couldn't help but smile at the little girl… before she took off again and Lindsay's playful voice reverberated against the glass walls. "Lucy, wait for Mommy!"

As Mac stood, he turned to face the two of most important people in his life and realised exactly what he needed to do…

Give them the confirmation that they needed… that whatever decision they made for their little family, he'd be there supporting them, no matter where he was. Because in the end, that's what family did and that's what family was.

He wanted to say so much more to them, he'd wanted to tell them to make more, beautiful children. He wanted to tell them to get a cat, a dog, a goldfish… whatever it was they wanted. He wanted to tell them to get a trampoline for Lucy in the back garden of their new house; he smiled at the thought of it being a perfect diversion of tiring the energetic little girl out. He wanted to tell them to renew their vows but do it properly, in a proper ceremony where everyone else that they love got to experience the magic that he had on the day they got married. He wanted to tell them to life like there was no tomorrow and to love each other when things got tough… he wanted to tell them that even though the statistics were against them with failed marriages, he had every faith in that they would be together for the rest of their lives… but it wouldn't come easy and they'd need to work on it… but he had every faith in that they'd hear everything he had to say, even if he never got the chance to say it, because deep down, he could see in their eyes that they already knew.

When he'd been in the bookstore last week he'd seen a book with the quote 'would you want to see the future, even if you couldn't change a thing.' And initially, he'd thought no – but now, in reflection, he realised that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing. Even though he had more to give, he'd had a good life. And quite frankly, given the chance, he wouldn't change a thing.

And, if this was the end of the line for him, he just hoped that Danny and Lindsay didn't lose that magic sparkle that made them so perfectly suited for one another.

As far as he knew, life was something you only experienced once… And as he stared at the end of the line, he realised that he only needed to do it once. But, if his time wasn't up… he'd do his best to make sure that he lived every day he was given back, to it's fullest, with no regrets.

* * *

**A/N: okay, well there we have it guys. I really feel like this isn't the end yet, I just hope and pray to God that I'm right. Hope you enjoyed this slightly longer one-shot. Fred and I have loved writing this season - hope to see you again in September! Thanks for reading; I'd love to know what you thought! :)**


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